Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
What is 2 * 2 ?
Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!".
Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?"
Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."
The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it".
Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system".
Medical Student : "4"
All others looking astonished : "How did you know?"
Medical Student : "I memorized it."
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!".
Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?"
Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."
The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it".
Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system".
Medical Student : "4"
All others looking astonished : "How did you know?"
Medical Student : "I memorized it."
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
Thursday Thirteen! You know you're old when...
- Everything hurts , and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work anyway.
- The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
- You feel like you really hung one one the night before, and you were in bed asleep by eight.
- You get winded playing chess.
- Your children begin to look middle-aged.
- You join a health club and don't go.
- You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today!"
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
- The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
- You feel like you really hung one one the night before, and you were in bed asleep by eight.
- You get winded playing chess.
- Your children begin to look middle-aged.
- You join a health club and don't go.
- You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today!"
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
TT - Thirteen Automobile Acronyms
AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
BMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
DODGE
Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
FIAT
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix It Again, Tony!
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
BMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
DODGE
Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
FIAT
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix It Again, Tony!
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
Thursday Thirteen: You Might Be a Technician if...
- you have ever tried to repair a $15.00 radio.
- you think of the gadgets in your office as "friends."
- you think your computer looks better without the cover.
- you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as is."
- you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
- you think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
- the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
- the microphone at a meeting doesn't work and you rush up to fix it.
- you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.
- you own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers and you actually know where they are.
- you just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday.
- you have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
- you think of the gadgets in your office as "friends."
- you think your computer looks better without the cover.
- you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as is."
- you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
- you think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
- the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
- the microphone at a meeting doesn't work and you rush up to fix it.
- you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.
- you own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers and you actually know where they are.
- you just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday.
- you have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
Thursday Thirteen - Alcohol Consumption Warning
- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
- The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
- The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
- The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your behind kicked.
- The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.
- The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
- The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
- The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
- The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your behind kicked.
- The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.
- The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
Thursday Thirteen - You Know You Have Had Too Much Coffee When...
*Juan Valdez names his donkey after you
*You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked
*You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
*You sleep with your eyes open
*You have to watch videos in fast-forward
*You lick your coffee pot clean
*Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
*The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
*You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
*You can jump-start your car without cables
*Your only sources of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"
*You don't sweat, you percolate
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
*You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked
*You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
*You sleep with your eyes open
*You have to watch videos in fast-forward
*You lick your coffee pot clean
*Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
*The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
*You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
*You can jump-start your car without cables
*Your only sources of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"
*You don't sweat, you percolate
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
Thursday Thirteen - You know you work for the Government when...
- When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
- You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
- Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.
- Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
- You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
- It no longer amazes you that computer security is more important than having computers.
- Your office computer was just upgraded to a 200 MHz Pentium this year.
- Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.
- Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.
- You and your coequals always consume the free food left over from VIP meetings.
- It's dark when you drive to and from work.
- You're forced to park your car a mile from the office because of all the commanders, customers, designated contractor, VIP's, employees of the month/quarter/year and visitor, parking spaces by the main entrance.
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
- You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
- Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.
- Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
- You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
- It no longer amazes you that computer security is more important than having computers.
- Your office computer was just upgraded to a 200 MHz Pentium this year.
- Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.
- Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.
- You and your coequals always consume the free food left over from VIP meetings.
- It's dark when you drive to and from work.
- You're forced to park your car a mile from the office because of all the commanders, customers, designated contractor, VIP's, employees of the month/quarter/year and visitor, parking spaces by the main entrance.
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
BACK!!!
Aaaaand.... the JOKES Blog... after a MASSIVELY long break... is BACK!!
Brace yourself against a WEALTH of hilarious jokes... and enjoy laughing :)
- The Bizarre Jokester
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
Brace yourself against a WEALTH of hilarious jokes... and enjoy laughing :)
- The Bizarre Jokester
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
TT - Have you ever wondered??
- Can you cry under water?
- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
- If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
- Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
- Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
- What did cured ham actually have?
- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
- Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON television?
- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
- If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
- Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
- Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
- What did cured ham actually have?
- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
- Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON television?
- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Read More...
[Source: The JOKES Blog]
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